Blah Blah BLOG
I have 1,000 small tasks to do that get in the way of the 4 that I really must do. The Four Deadlines that each require more preparation than the three weeks I have are as follows (in order of importance):
1) Audition for the music school (if I fail, I can't continue);
2) Bach paper on keyboard performance practice (50% of grade);
3) Final revision on Ives paper (40% of grade);
4) Music history cumulative final.
All are due soon, and I still have to finalize, plan, and run the year-end Spring Recital for my studio in May.
But God loves me, Christ died for me, and He calls me His own. I wish I trusted Him 24/7. It is so stupid, literally, not to trust Him, but I am a sheep. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.
If you know someone who struggles with internet pornography (maybe you), I would like to recommend Covenant Eyes. They are not a filter. Instead, their program records all the websites you visit, stores them on a server (so you can't delete them), and sends the report to 1-2 people you choose to be your accountability partners. They charge a nominal fee, but it's worth every penny.
I struggle with internet pornography. Don't inhale so fast--this is not news. God has led me through periods of freedom, but He has also let me walk through periods of bondage. This has been true even after He changed my heart. I say "struggle" because it's still a present battle, and I think it will be a battle for years to come. The day I think it's a past-tense issue is the day I will be most vulnerable.
Since sigining up with Covenant Eyes, I have been porn-free. It is not my Savior, but it is a welcome boundary that helps me maintain my distance from participation in demonic worship. This boundary is of inestimable value, for although I am not completely free from the desire to look at pornography (my preferred status in this area, though not my primary need), I am living with clearer thought and discernment as God continues to lay His sWord to the root of my condition. This is sanctification, friends, and it goes faster when we stop running back to Egypt.
Have you ever had someone do something loving for you that you know you probably wouldn't do for someone else? Ben offered to clean out my garage, and he did. Two trips to the dump. Two days of coordination and inconvenience. Much-needed hours sacrificed to meet my need. I am humbled.
1) Audition for the music school (if I fail, I can't continue);
2) Bach paper on keyboard performance practice (50% of grade);
3) Final revision on Ives paper (40% of grade);
4) Music history cumulative final.
All are due soon, and I still have to finalize, plan, and run the year-end Spring Recital for my studio in May.
But God loves me, Christ died for me, and He calls me His own. I wish I trusted Him 24/7. It is so stupid, literally, not to trust Him, but I am a sheep. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.
If you know someone who struggles with internet pornography (maybe you), I would like to recommend Covenant Eyes. They are not a filter. Instead, their program records all the websites you visit, stores them on a server (so you can't delete them), and sends the report to 1-2 people you choose to be your accountability partners. They charge a nominal fee, but it's worth every penny.
I struggle with internet pornography. Don't inhale so fast--this is not news. God has led me through periods of freedom, but He has also let me walk through periods of bondage. This has been true even after He changed my heart. I say "struggle" because it's still a present battle, and I think it will be a battle for years to come. The day I think it's a past-tense issue is the day I will be most vulnerable.
Since sigining up with Covenant Eyes, I have been porn-free. It is not my Savior, but it is a welcome boundary that helps me maintain my distance from participation in demonic worship. This boundary is of inestimable value, for although I am not completely free from the desire to look at pornography (my preferred status in this area, though not my primary need), I am living with clearer thought and discernment as God continues to lay His sWord to the root of my condition. This is sanctification, friends, and it goes faster when we stop running back to Egypt.
Have you ever had someone do something loving for you that you know you probably wouldn't do for someone else? Ben offered to clean out my garage, and he did. Two trips to the dump. Two days of coordination and inconvenience. Much-needed hours sacrificed to meet my need. I am humbled.
posted by Jason at 10:44 PM
3 Comments:
Thanks for honestly sharing your struggles. I will be praying for your time management skills, and that all will fall into place and get done in time!
The internet has made pornography so much more dangerous. If I had a computer at home, I worry that I'd become quite a consumer, because it would be so easy to just give in to that temptation in those moments when I'm feeling particularly worthless. It only needs a brief lapse of vigilance. That's why I don't have a computer. The upside of not having one is that I have saved the $1500 cost of buying one, as well as $500 a year for internet service. The downside is, I'm reading your blog at work . . .
Pardon the split infinitive, by the way.
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