Pee on my pants.

I swear those wet spots on my shorts are not urine. Believe it or not, I have spent the last 32 years (minus 3-4 years for potty training) becoming an expert in how to aim my equipment. I can hit the water 99.9% of the time, which must be a stellar pee-to-water percentage given how much urine I find on the seats of toilets in public places. At least *lift* the seat and pee on the part no one sits on.

The water drops splashed on my shorts when I was washing my hands, something that I also find to be a rare habit among men. I have seen men leave the bathroom at church and not wash their hands. I notice it because these are the same men who go around shaking hands with everyone they see.

Yuck.